Thursday, September 28, 2006


What kind of Christian are you?

The following "diagnostic" quiz will attempt to pigeonhole you, reducing you from a complex, nuanced person to a simple caricature. We obviously don't pretend that this is scientific, and, to be honest, part of the goal is to have some fun.
But there is a serious point here, too: One's approach to the Bible reveals a great deal about one's approach to religion generally. More so than denomination, one's attitude about who Jesus was and what the Bible is can define an individual's spiritual type.

So we hope that in addition to being interesting, this quiz will help you learn something about yourself. At the end of the quiz, we'll offer you the opportunity to complain about the quiz to others who have scored similarly.

With a preamble like this, who could resist? Even if I'm not any kind of Christian at all.

Bishop Spong Christian
(a.k.a. "Biblical Revisionist")
You think the Bible is a powerful metaphorical narrative and believe that Jesus was a heroic figure similar to Gandhi. You believe in God as a loving creator and that She will forgive you for just about anything. You're willing to admit that you don't believe in the resurrection. You go to church for the sense of community and the music and because you like to hector your fellow Christians about their backward ways. You read Toni Morrison, Elaine Pagels, and Bishop Spong, the controversial Episcopalian prelate. You enjoyed the "The Da Vinci Code" as a thriller and found its ideas about Christian history thought-provoking, if not always historically accurate. Though you probably didn't see it, you're sure that "The Passion of the Christ" presented an utterly backward version of Christianity. You ardently support gay rights and feel guilty that you yourself are not gay. (If you are gay, you're in a loving, committed relationship). You live in a leafy university town, order Chai at the local coffee house (never Starbucks), and subscribe to The New Yorker. You watch TV so you can talk disdainfully about how bad TV is. You give to charity, preferring the local homeless shelter to those bureaucratic national charities. For you, the crux of Christianity is Jesus' revolutionary message of empowering "the least of these."

Except that, um, well, I'm not. I don't believe in God. Not in the slightest. I have only been to church for other people's weddings, christenings and funerals. I tried liking Toni Morrison, I really did, I know I should, but I didn't enjoy Beloved. I have ideas of trying again. I have never heard of the other two. I thought the Da Vinci Code was rather crap, but somehow subjected myself to all but one of the Dan Brown novels, which is bizarre, cause if I am going to read stuff I don't like, it might as well be Toni Morrison, which at least won't get me laughed at by my friends. Granted, the historical inaccuracy of the Da Vinci Code did grate. I would like to live in a leafy university town, but I order mochas (yum!). I don't much like Starbucks, but more cause they put too much chocolate in their mochas than any particularly lefty reason, though I get why I shouldn't like Starbucks. Here in Korea I like them very much as I can order in English! I don't read the New Yorker, perhaps largely on account of being a Canadian who has been living in Scotland and Korea. I do support gay rights. I don't donate to charity, particularly, on account of my massive, horrible debt. And, more honestly, the fact that I rather like spending my money frivilously on me. That is embarrassing but true.

1 comment:

Jen said...

I got the same result as you! And I, too, am an atheist...