So, I have been pondering how hard it is sometimes to thank people for the kind things they do for you. Sometimes it is hard because the things they do for you wouldn't seem to them perhaps to be as significant as they are. This all sort of stems from a discussion Samarra and I had the bar last night. I tend to ponder things and with a day long headache that pondering has been of the somewhat serious sort. Hard to ponder frivilous things when your head is pounding from a over-exposure to nasty perfume.
It started with thinking how much I appreciated Sarah taking me out for a few drinks last night. I had a great time and I needed the chat and it was amazing of her to go when I know she wasn't especially in the mood for it. Then I was thinking back to two years ago, and all those people who I appreciate so much for the roles they played in me getting my head on straight.
The problem with thank you lists is always that you are bound to leave someone out. Which sucks. It's not that you ever mean to, but that memory is so precarious. Or mine is. So, this list isn't exhaustive, but it is heartfelt. To my parents for the phone calls, to Jas for listening, to Christina for that much needed time in London, to Sky for that lunch in London when I really, really needed to talk all around what was going on without actually talking about it, with someone willing to put up with that, to Andrea and Jenni for some much needed couches to crash on, to Samarra for the visit when she was helpful without perhaps knowing why. To everyone who has since been gentle and kind enough not to press, to let me talk about things on my own terms. To Frog and Anais and Sofiya, whose blogs helped me immensely in my attempt to process what was going on in my life and my head. To all the people from the Phoenix who listened and responded and helped me think.
When I look back, I still have a hard time getting my mind around just how miserable I was. And that's great, because the reason it's so hard is partly due to just how happy I am now. And I suppose the silver lining comes in now understanding just how precious and hard-won happiness often is. And with all of that also comes a deep sense of gratitude for the people who were with me along the way.