If My Head Explodes...

... the cleaning supplies are under the sink. I'm guessing it'd be messy.

So, I have bronchitis again. Woo! My favourite disease!

Trying to get out there and do stuff over Chuseok was no easy feat, since I feel like death warmed over, with a side of ass. It's not pleasant. To top it off, my little sister has decided to give me the silent treatment over a conversation that was started off by the fact that she has insulted several of my friends, made others feel uncomfortable, and basically made me feel like a class-A asshole for bringing her to the party to rain on other people's parades.

I would likely have ignored the whole thing with her and just apologized profusely on her behalf, except that she still wants to go out and socialize with my friends. So, I thought perhaps a conversation. Set some boundaries. And god, was I wrong.

Perhaps it's just a sister thing. Perhaps we can never have a conversation that doesn't lead to shouting and the silent treatment and years of apparent resentment coming out. I certainly can't claim to have stayed calm for the whole thing, though I started off that way. God knows, anything to do with my family seems to make me feel like a pissed off 16 year old. And certainly, that's what she reminds me of.

Naturally, none of the fault is hers. She is simply misunderstood by various people who have texted and messaged me, and I am a big bitch besides. You know, one of those evil bitches who invites you over twice and picks you up at the airport, and cooks and cleans and does your laundry and entertains you and still works 10.5 or 12 hour days. Oh, I treat her like shit. Did the whole last time she visited and I cooked and cleaned and entertained. I have always treated her like shit. All those movies and shopping trips I planned especially to spend time with her ever since I moved home, it's all just my way of being evil.

I get that family is important. I get that we must love them regardless of a lot of the crap they might dish out. That we should forgive them for things we might not let go by if our friends did them. And I am sure that I am not anything approaching a perfect older sister. I am sure that at least half of all our problems are my fault.

But. Fuck. If my friends ever treated me in any shape or from the way she does, they would have been out on their asses. No response if I say good morning, or ask if she is ready to go. Taking hours to get ready, making us late for things because she is too busy emailing people. About what, I haven't a clue, as we've done very little in the time she has been here because she is too busy emailing people about Korea to actually see it. Making a huge mess of my place and expecting me to clean it all up. Acting like doing the dishes once or twice means I should get down on my knees and thank her, though I am expected to daily make her lunch on my 40 minute break. When I suggested she make her own tuna sandwhich (and I had already prepared the tuna), she gave me a look like I was from Mars.

But all of this I was biting my tongue about. I kept reminding myself, "She hasn't moved out of the house yet. She is used to this stuff being done for her. She's young. She's your sister. You have barely seen her since you were 19, you need to just let the shit roll off your back."

And then she insulted my friends. In a way that really, really insults me too. In a fundamental way. Was it a mistake? Was it a lack of familiarity with dealing with such situations? I don't know. Because her entire response to the situation is that A) I am making it all up and B) that everyone else is just wrong, that she is completely in the right. She doesn't acknowledge that if a whole bunch of people think you were insulting them, maybe there is something about your behavior that does, in fact, need to be questioned.

Homophobia in the family is not pretty. I don't know what to say, do, or how to react, exactly. It's new territory for me.

But it isn't something I take lightly. And I feel it is important that be made clear to her. This won't be brushed under the rug. What that means for the next four days I don't know. As much as I'd like to please my mother by "making my peace with her" before she goes, I'm not sure I'm ready to do that without a significant statement from her.

And I don't think that's unreasonable of me.