Bright-Sided by Barbara Ehenreich

"What would it mean in practice to eliminate all he 'negative people' from one's life? It might be a good move to separate from a chronically carping spouse, but it's not so easy to abandon the whiny toddler, the colicky infant, or the sullen teenager. And at the workplace, while it's probably advisable to detect and terminate those who show sings of become mass killer,s there are other annoying people who might actually have something useful to say: the financial officer who keeps worrying about the bank's subprime mortgage exposure or the auto executive who questions the company's overinvestment in SUVs and trucks. Purge everyone who "brings you down," and you risk being very lonely or, what is worse, cut off from reality. The challenge of family life, or group life of any kind, is to keep gauging the moods of others, accommodating to their insights, and offering comfort when needed.

But in the world of positive thinking other people are not there to be nurtured or to provide unwelcome reality checks. They are there only to nourish, praise, and affirm. Harsh as this dictum sounds, many ordinary people adopt it as their creed, displaying wall plaques or bumper stickers showing the word "Whining" with a cancel sign through hit. There seems to be a massive empathy deficit, which people respond to by withdrawing their won. No one has the time or patience for anyone else's problems."

I loved the first chapter on positive thinking and cancer, but after that I was less impressed. The parts about business were really just a recap of Bait and Switch and the bits about religion and psychology felt a bit repetitive. Still, the main idea, that the emphasis on positive thinking in today's culture has a negative effect overall was a good one.

"Still, surely it is better to obsess about one's chances of success than about the likelihood of hell and damnation, to search one's inner self for strengths rather than sins. The question is why one should be so inwardly preoccupied at all. Why not reach out to others in love and solidarity or peer into the natural world for some glimmer of understanding? Why retreat into anxious introspection when, as Emerson might have said, there is a vast world outside to explore? Why spend so much time working on oneself when there is so much real work to be done?"

My time at RBS was an introduction into forced positive thinking. All that bullshit about people with negative attitudes but high production being "terrorists" in the workplace always pissed me off. Don't show me some stupid show about people happily singing as they work in the Seattle Fish Market and then think that I'm going to put on a happy smile whether I feel it or not. The rah-rah company events that are run like some sort of religious revival meeting merely pissed me off. I may work for you, but I am not you. And that should be okay as an employee.

"In the hands of employers, positive thinking has been transformed into something its nineteenth-century proponents probably never imagined - not an exhortation to get up and get going but a means of social control in the workplace, a goad to perform at ever-higher levels... With 'motivation' as the whip, positive thinking became the hallmark of the compliant employee, and as the conditions of corporate employment worsened in the age of downsizing that bgan in the 1980s, the hand on the whip grew heavier."

"This is the project of science: to pool the rigorous observations of many people into a tentative accounting of the world, which will of course always be subject to revisions arising from fresh observations... There seems to be an evolutionary paradox at work here: human survival in the face of multiple threats depended on our ability to live in groups, but the imperative of maintaining group cohesion can sometimes override realism and common sense, making us hesitate to challenge the consensus or be the bearer of bad news. So, after checking with others, it remains the responsibility of each individual to sift through the received wisdom, insofar as possible, and decide what's worth holding on to. This can require the courage of a Galileo, the iconoclasm of a Darwin or Freud, the diligence of a homicide detective."

"A vigilant realism does not foreclose the pursuit of happiness; in fact, it makes it possible. How can we expect to improve our situation without addressing the actual circumstances we find ourselves in? Positive thinking seeks to convince us that such external factors are incidental compared with one's internal state or attitude or mood...IT's true that subjective factors like determination are critical to survival and that individuals sometimes triumph over nightmarish levels of adversity. But mind does not automatically prevail over matter, and to ignore the role of difficult circumstances - or worse, attribute the to our own thoughts - is to slide toward the depraved smugness Rhonda Byrne expressed when confronted with the tsunami of 2004. Citing the law of attraction, she stated that disasters like tsunamis can happen only to people who are 'on the same frequency as the event.'"

Canyons by Gary Paulsen

"Brendan Cole lived in El Paso, Texas, and each afternoon after school he ran. He did not run from anything and did not run to anything, did not run for track nor did he run to stay in shape and lose weight. He ran to be with himself."

I liked the bits about running.

Read Forever

Blast From the Past - And Inaccurate

Amanda's Friendster Profile

Female, 33, In a Relationship, Great Britain (UK)More
My Friends (11)

Member Since:Oct 2003
Hometown:Bolton, Ontario
Other education:Queen's University, Classical Studies, 2001
What I enjoy doing:hiking, travelling, film and book addiction
Favorite Books:the No1 Ladies Detective Agency, Ian Rankin novels, Oryx and Crake, Manufacturing Consent
Favorite Movies:baraka, whale rider, the first two godfathers, anything with audrey hepburn, documentaries, buffallo soldiers, the diner
Favorite Music:radiohead, ani difranco, mull historical society, idelwild, the flaming lips, rem, u2, sleater kinney
Favorite TV Shows:haven't watched tv since i lived in scotland and probably won't own a tv in the next year
About Me: well, i'm sort of randomly wandering around at the moment, just back in Edinburgh, Scotland and from living in Vancouver and Korea. I have finally broken the horrible trend of working in banks.

A Warmer Spring Evening, Please!

Coop and I got quite wet running tonight. It's chilly out there.

Running Songs

Nickelback: Animals
Metric: Gold guns girls
Foreigner: Soul Doctor
Silverchair: Anthem for the year 2000
Bloodhound Gang
Mary J Blige: Family Affair
Eminem

The King of Bedside Manor - Barenaked Ladies
Pump It - Black Eyed Peas
Me Against the Music - Britney Spears
Add It up - Violent Femmes

Just Can’t Get Enough – Black Eyed Peas
Up n’ Down – Britney Spears
Right Hand Hi – Kid Sister
Get Outta My Way – Kylie Minogue
Til the World Ends – Britney Spears
Backseat – New Boyz
Rolling in the Deep – Adele
More – Usher
Hey Baby – Pitbull
Yeah 3X – Chris Brown
Please Don’t Go – Mike Posner
Letting Go – Sean Kingston
Push Push – Kat DeLuna
You Used to Hold Me – Calvin Harris
Dirty Talk – Wynter Gordon
New in Town – Little Boots
Club Can’t Handle Me – Flo Rida
Flashback – Calvin Harris
Ridin’ Solo – Jason Derulo
Freeze – T-Pain
Calabria – Enur
Super Bass – Nicki Minaj

Sing, Sing, Sing - by Benny Goodman
Gorillaz: Dare
natasha beningfield, "unwritten"
"hip hop" by mos def
"sick" by the sneaker pimps
"survive" by hybrid
"fall into you" by soulstice
"passing me by" by the pharcyde
You Spin Me Round - Dead or Alive (Princess Julia Mix '03 is great)
Things Can Only Get Better - Dream
Don't Bring Me Down - ELO (more like 110 bpm)
It's My Life - Dr Alban
Life Is A Highway - Tom Cochrane
Lips Like Sugar - Echo & The Bunnymen
Right Here, Right Now - Fatboy Slim
"All these things that I've done" - the Killers
"Holiday" - Greenday
"Southside" - Moby
"Wild Wild Life" - Peter Gabriel
"Beat City" - the Raveonettes
"Such Great Heights" - the Postal Service
and, of course, "Born to Run" - Bruce Springsteen

-"Blue" by Elastica
-"Stutter" by Elastica
-"Kamikaze" by PJ Harvey
-"Cannonball" by the Breeders
-"Denial Twist" by the White Stripes

"Girls" - Beastie Boys
"Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" - Busta
"Shake That" - Eminem
"In the Morning" - Junior Boys
"Sexyback" - Justin Timberlake
"Fantasy" - Ludacris
"Loose Control" - Missy Elliot
"Closer" - NIN
"Frontin'" - Pharrell
"Ain't Nothing Wrong With That" - Robert Randolph and the Family Bad
"The Way I Are' - Timbaland
"Where'd You Get Your Body From" - Will.i.am

M.I.A. - Bamboo Banga ("Road runner, road runner, going hundred miles per hour!"), Boyz, BirdFlu, 20 Dollar
Metric - Dead Disco, IOU
The Bravery - An Honest Mistake
Stone Roses - Fools Gold
New Order - True Faith
The Cure - Fascination Street
U2 - Lady with the Spinning Head, Fast Cars, Hawkmoon 269, Daddy's Gonna Pay For Your Crashed Car
George Michael - Freedom
Keane - Crystal Ball
Beyonce - In Da Club *blush*

The Who - join together
bush = machine head
Coldplay - clocks
eminem - dont know name of his songs but the one from the really bad movie hes in
r.l. burnside - its bad you know
pink floyd - run like hell
black eyed peas - hey mama
simon and garfunkel - cecilia, me and julio down by the school yard
johnny cash's but performed by dave mattews - long black veil
Potential Breakup Song- Aly and Aj
Crazy in Love- Beyonce and Jay-Z
Head over Heels- Boys Like GIrls
The City is at War- Cobra Starship
Guilty Pleasure- Cobra Starshit
Dance, Dance,- Fall out Boy
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth is- JET
Stronger- Kanye West
In Da Club (Dirty) - 50 Cent
Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes
Don't Do Me Like That - Tom Petty
Ooh - Scissor Sisters
I Don't Feel Like Dancing - Scissor Sisters
SOS (Rescue Me) - Rihanna
Float On - Modest Mouse
Dead Disco - Metric
Mondo 77 - Looper
Outta My Head - Kylie Minogue
Uncle Jonny - The Killers
The Ballad Of Michael Valentine - The Killers
Andy, You're A Star - The Killers
Jenny - The Killers
The Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani
It's My Life - Gwen Stefani
I Don't Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem) - Good Charlotte
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
Chelsea Dagger - The Fratellis
Under Pressure - David Bowie
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk
Tango shoes - Bif Naked

Einstein on the Beach - Counting Crows
Rain King - Counting Crows
Like a Prayer - Madonna
All These Things That I Have Done - The Killers
Mr. Brightside - The Killers
Caroline - David Gray
Under Pressure - David Bowie
Most of Matt Nathanson's fast songs
Send Me On My Way - Rusted Root
I'm Not Running Anymore - John Mellencamp

The Script - Rusty Halo
Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire
Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby
Lost Prophets - Everybody's Screaming
Paramore - Miracle
Kevin Rudolf - Let it rock

Long Train Runnin' - The Doobie Brothers
It Keeps You Runnin' - The Doobie Brothers
Running Down a Dream - Tom Petty
Running on Empty - Jackson Browne
Who Will You Run To - Heart
Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen
Band On the Run - Paul McCartney
Take It On The Run - REO Speedwagon
Take the Money and Run - Steve Miller Band
We Run This - Missy Elliott
Run to the Hills - Iron Maiden
On the Run - Pink Floyd
We Run - Sugarland
I Run for Life - Melissa Etheridge
Run Rudolph Run - Chuck Berry
Run to You - Bryan Adams
The Long Run - Eagles
Fox On The Run - Sweet
Ready To Run - Dixie Chicks
Run-Around - Blues Traveler
Run Don't Walk - Hey Monday
Young Hearts Run Free - Kym Mazelle
You Better Run - Pat Benatar
We Could Run Away - Needtobreathe
I Ran (So Far Away) - A Flock of Seagulls
Running On Sunshine - Jesus Jackson
Time is Running Out - Papa Roach
When The World Is Running Down - Police
Runaway - Bon Jovi
Runaway - Del Shannon
Runaway - Jamiroquai
Runaway - Janet Jackson
Runaway Train - Soul Asylum
2000 Miles - The Pretenders
Road To Nowhere - Talking Heads
Run Through The Jungle - Creedence Clearwater Revival
Walk This Way - Run-DMC
I Walk the Line - Johnny Cash
Don't Walk Away - Miley Cyrus
Walk Like an Egyptian - The Bangles
Walk Like a Man - Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons
Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson
Walk On - U2
Go Walking Down There - Chris Isaak
Bright Side of the Road, Van Morrison
On the Road Again - Willie Nelson
Middle of the Road - The Pretenders
Steppin' Out - Joe Jackso

'Back to Black'Amy Winehouse (2006)

Homesick Now

dancedanceTO from dancedanceTO on Vimeo.

There Is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene

When I was young, I thought people died of Ethiopia. I thought it was a disease, rather than a place. Since then, I'm ashamed to say, my knowledge hasn't grown too far beyond being able to find it on a map. This book has changed that. It taught me about Ethiopian history, as well as a great deal about the history of HIV/AIDS and ARVs.

There Is No Me Without You will break your heart into pieces. The end of the book, with a small number of orphans beginning ARV treatments and the lives of others in America with their adoptive parents described, will begin to put it back together, but nothing but hearing that since its publication the world had finally responded to the AIDS crisis in Africa would fix it entirely and we all know that not to be the case.

A quote in the book, about Haregewoin's visit to NYC reminded me why I travel: "Buildings full of the glowing windows marched one after another all the way to the horizon. Each building was like a lantern, radiating firelight through numberless openings. She understood: America has electricity in abundance. The only thing Ethiopia has in such abundance is dirt." I travel to understand the world, to escape the all too human tendency to assume that my experience is universal. To learn. To appreciate.

There Is No Me Without You opens with a scene that brought me right back to Kpalime, Togo, when Ortencia and I sat with her foster family, eating chocolate in the dark during a rainstorm: "On a dim, clattering afternoon in the rainy season, I sat in a crowded living room in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, stupefied by water. The rain drumming the tin roofs of the hillside district was deafening, as if neighbors on rooftops banged with kettles and sticks. The mud yard boiled and popped in the downpour."

If only we all reacted to the sorrows of our own lives by reaching out to others. The world would be a far better place. "It hurt most of all to see how blessed were all other mothers. They kept their daughters in life, while to her eternal shame she had failed hers at the only thing that mattered."

Christopher McDougall: Are we born to run? | Video on TED.com

Christopher McDougall: Are we born to run? | Video on TED.com

Say What?

I translated a friend's Korean FB status update and this is what I got:

Goes round and in 80 foreigner grandfather and the feminine image English does a little marriage! of a Korean woman whom When gets married, the grandfather gives, cash billion 1,500,000,000 performance of a surgical operation gives…The thing receive, with the old man the grudge which will get married. Soup. There will be women? I Roh right ~ only result only will be anxious still!

The Fissured Vase

Le vase brisé
Sully Prudhomme

This vase wherein the vervain dies
A fan's light touch left a crack fine.
Soft blow it was to all the eyes,
And made no noise one would divine.

Yet slight as is the little bruise,
It gnaws at its crystal each day.
Unseen but sure in its slow cruise
Around the vase it makes its way.

Fresh water leaves in dribs and aught,
The flowers' soul will expire soon.
Though none has yet to suspect naught,
Touch not the vase for it's in ruin.

Thus often when the hand you love
Strokes light the heart yet breaks it so,
The heart shatters on its blest love,
The flower dies of its love's woe.

It looks whole to the world outside,
Yet feels the growth, and softly cries,
Of its wound deep and fine inside.
It is injured, touch not the vase.

"The saying, age makes us childish, is not true;
it only find us really children still."
- Goethe

Le Lac

This poem reminds me strongly of the cottage my family goes to, in particular because it is a place I went to as a child and as a teenager, but is somewhere I've only briefly returned to as an adult. Where does the time go?

The Lake
by Alphonse de Lamartine (1790-1869)

And thus forever pushed to a newer shore,
In the darkness eternal carried ne'er to return,
Will we ever in the ocean of the ages
Cast anchor for one day more?

Oh lake! The year has scarcely ended
Than near the cherished waves she was to revisit,
Behold, on this stone I came alone to linger
Where you have seen her sit.

As you roared beneath these deep rocks,
Smashed your waters against their torn sides,
So the wind threw the foams of your billows
Onto her feet beloved.

One night, remember? As we cruised along silently,
One heard from afar on the waves under these skies,
Only the noises of rowers who struck in rhythm
Your harmonious waters.

Suddenly of the tones unknown to the earth
Of the charmed shore struck your echoes;
The waves grew attentive, and the voice to me dear
Thus spoke these very words:

"Oh time, suspend your flight! and you, blessed hours,
Delay your course!
Let us savor the fleeting delights
Of the happiest days of ours.

"Enough unhappy souls in this world implore you:
Flow on, and for them flow on;
Remove the days with the cares which consume them
And spare the happy ones.

"But in vain I ask for a few moments more,
Time evades me, and takes flight.
I say to this night, "Tarry." But the dawn
Will dissipate the night.

"So let us love, let us love; and the transient hour
Let's enjoy in a hurry;
Man has no harbor, time no shores;
It flows, we fade merely!"

Jealous time, can it be that these drunken moments
When love fills us with bliss to overflow
Fly from us at the same speed
As do our days of woe?

Alas, could we at least freeze their traces?
Why, gone forevermore? Why, lost forevermore?
This time that gave them, this time that kills them,
To yield them nevermore?

Eternity, void, past, gloomy abyss,
What have you done with the days you buried?
Speak; will you surrender the sublime ecstasies
From us you had ravished?

Oh lake, mute stones, grottoes, forests obscure!
You that time spares and rejuvenates,
Will you keep of this night, fair nature,
At least its memory pure?

Let it abide in your repose or your storms,
Beautiful lake, in the face of your smiling hills,
And in these dark firs, and these wild rocks
Which hang o'er your waters still!

Let it be in the zephyr that shudders in passing,
In the sounds of your shores and by them repeated,
In the silver-faced star that whitens your expanse
With its softened brightness!

Let the wind that groans and the reeds that sigh
The gentle perfume of your balmy air,
Let all that is heard or seen or breathed
All say: "In love they were."

Pancake Tuesday

On Wearing a Skirt

During my first year at Cheungwon Kindergarten, I wore a dress or skirt all of twice. The first time it was because I had a funeral right after work (followed up by a party at my place which involved me in a black dress cooking with flour - not wise) and the second time because I was over at April's, it was late, it was snowing, and I couldn't be bothered walking home, but I had no work clothing with me, so she lent me a skirt and I put on my running tights underneath. I was the picture of elegance, I tell you.

The funny thing is, both times my co-teachers, the principal and all of my students were absolutely and emphatically pleased with my attire. I got more compliments on each of those two days than on the rest of the days combined. They tell me I look far more beautiful in a skirt.

And so, since it seemed nice, I wore a skirt for the opening ceremony last Wednesday. After all, I had to go on stage and bow to the combined elementary school and kindergarten and all of their parents. There were performances by the elementary school orchestra, traditional drumming group and the belly dancing troupe. It was a fancy occasion and I dressed accordingly.

I may well dress up again for graduation, or parents day, or something similar, but I won't be doing it regularly.

Interestingly, I love to travel in skirts. If you've ever been driving along the roads in the mountainous region of Togo in a bush taxi, I'm sure you'll hit on why - it makes peeing so much easier, and I find them cooler too. Plus, when you're trying to pack light, skirts are simply more versatile - change the kind of shirt you're wearing and you change how dressy you look.

My main problem with skirts and dresses hits once the weather cools - I'm not fond of tights. I have never, ever been able to find a pair that really fit me properly. Fat or thin is not the issue - my height is. I'm just that little bit taller than the average size, but not tall enough to wear the tall sizes. It's a royal pain in the ass. I love leggings for that reason - I buy them 3/4 length and they fit just fine.

But, you know, if running tights are apparently okay under a skirt while teaching, it might be worth taking up dressier attire so that I can hit the streets faster after work!

Gay Stirfry

For about the last month, it feels like every gay person I know in Seoul has had one thing on their mind: eating at Bao, the tiny new stir fry restaurant in Kyungridan. I too have been trying to go and check it out, but every time I went, it was mysteriously closed. I was always with straight friends and I was starting to wonder...

Turns out, it's closed on Tuesdays. Good to know.

I finally made it tonight - with the Sappho Sisters book club. I hadn't read the book, but it was nice to meet everyone and the next book is one I'm dying to read (and one I already own) "Nothing to Envy", the latest book on life in North Korea. We stopped by What the Book afterwards, and then three of us dropped into Tartine's for pie and coffee.

I had a great night and Bao is fabulous - I'll have to get back to sample all the other sauces.

South Korea

Do You Know South Korea? from David Dutton on Vimeo.

Best English Map of Hongdae I've Come Across

Goals. Alex Has Some.

I know a guy named Alex who has epic reading plans.

I'm jealous. But also lazy. I'd be tempted to start if all my old Classics books weren't on another continent.

Anthem by Ayn Rand

The Giver was a better book and it was written for children. Best thing about this? It's short.

And though it makes me dread my recent promise to a friend to read Atlas Shrugged before I watch the movie, I did like the marginalia I found in the book.

Not a Sonnet

[Sonnet] You jerk you didn't call me up

by Bernadette Mayer (1945 - )

You jerk you didn't call me up
I haven't seen you in so long
You probably have a fucking tan
& besides that instead of making love tonight
You're drinking your parents to the airport
I'm through with you bourgeois boys
All you ever do is go back to ancestral comforts
Only money can get—even Catullus was rich but

Nowadays you guys settle for a couch
By a soporific color cable t.v. set
Instead of any arc of love, no wonder
The G.I. Joe team blows it every other time

Wake up! It's the middle of the night
You can either make love or die at the hands of
the Cobra Commander


_________________

To make love, turn to page 121.
To die, turn to page 172.

Presently, My Life

Word of the Day for Thursday, February 24, 2011
hypnagogic \hip-nuh-GOJ-ik; -GOH-jik\, adjective:

Of, pertaining to, or occurring in the state of drowsiness preceding sleep.

Unholy Sonnet 1 by Mark Jarman

Dear God, Our Heavenly Father, Gracious Lord,
Mother Love and Maker, Light Divine,
Atomic Fingertip, Cosmic Design,
First Letter of the Alphabet, Last Word,
Mutual Satisfaction, Cash Award,
Auditor Who Approves Our Bottom Line,
Examiner Who Says That We Are Fine,
Oasis That All Sands Are Running Toward.

I can say almost anything about you,
O Big Idea, and with each epithet,
Create new reasons to believe or doubt you,
Black Hole, White Hole, Presidential Jet.
But what’s the anything I must leave out? You
Solve nothing but the problems that I set.

Happy Year of the Rabbit!

World Cancer Day

http://www.worldcancerday.org/

This poem is a collaborative effort from Jack Kerouac, Neal Cassady and Allen Ginsberg.

Pull My Daisy

Pull my daisy
tip my cup
all my doors are open
Cut my thoughts
for coconuts
all my eggs are broken
Jack my Arden
gate my shades
woe my road is spoken
Silk my garden
rose my days
now my prayers awaken
Bone my shadow
dove my dream
start my halo bleeding
Milk my mind &
make me cream
drink me when you're ready
Hop my heart on
harp my height
seraphs hold me steady
Hip my angel
hype my light
lay it on the needy
Heal the raindrop
sow the eye
bust my dust again
Woe the worm
work the wise
dig my spade the same
Stop the hoax
whats the hex
where's the wake
how's the hicks
take my golden beam
Rob my locker
lick my rocks
leap my cock in school
Rack my lacks
lark my looks
jump right up my hole
Whore my door
beat my door
eat my snake of fool
Craze my hair
bare my poor
asshole shorn of wool
say my oops
ope my shell
Bite my naked nut
Roll my bones
ring my bell
call my worm to sup
Pope my parts
pop my pot
raise my daisy up
Poke my pap
pit my plum
let my gap be shut

... Until I Finish W&P

Unshelved

Korean Content

Important

Underwear

by Lawrence Ferlinghetti

I didn’t get much sleep last night
thinking about underwear
Have you ever stopped to consider
underwear in the abstract
When you really dig into it
some shocking problems are raised
Underwear is something
we all have to deal with
Everyone wears
some kind of underwear
The Pope wears underwear I hope
The Governor of Louisiana
wears underwear
I saw him on TV
He must have had tight underwear
He squirmed a lot
Underwear can really get you in a bind
You have seen the underwear ads
for men and women
so alike but so different
Women’s underwear holds things up
Men’s underwear holds things down
Underwear is one thing
men and women have in common
Underwear is all we have between us
You have seen the three-color pictures
with crotches encircled
to show the areas of extra strength
and three-way stretch
promising full freedom of action
Don’t be deceived
It’s all based on the two-party system
which doesn’t allow much freedom of choice
the way things are set up
America in its Underwear
struggles thru the night
Underwear controls everything in the end
Take foundation garments for instance
They are really fascist forms
of underground government
making people believe
something but the truth
telling you what you can or can’t do
Did you ever try to get around a girdle
Perhaps Non-Violent Action
is the only answer
Did Gandhi wear a girdle?
Did Lady Macbeth wear a girdle?
Was that why Macbeth murdered sleep?
And that spot she was always rubbing—
Was it really in her underwear?
Modern anglosaxon ladies
must have huge guilt complexes
always washing and washing and washing
Out damned spot
Underwear with spots very suspicious
Underwear with bulges very shocking
Underwear on clothesline a great flag of freedom
Someone has escaped his Underwear
May be naked somewhere
Help!
But don’t worry
Everybody’s still hung up in it
There won’t be no real revolution
And poetry still the underwear of the soul
And underwear still covering
a multitude of faults
in the geological sense—
strange sedimentary stones, inscrutable cracks!
If I were you I’d keep aside
an oversize pair of winter underwear
Do not go naked into that good night
And in the meantime
keep calm and warm and dry
No use stirring ourselves up prematurely
‘over Nothing’
Move forward with dignity
hand in vest
Don’t get emotional
And death shall have no dominion
There’s plenty of time my darling
Are we not still young and easy
Don’t shout

Shingles Hippo --> Gay Unicorn

I Have Folded My Sorrows
by Bob Kaufman

I have folded my sorrows into the mantle of summer night,
Assigning each brief storm its alloted space in time,
Quietly pursuing catastrophic histories buried in my eyes.
And yes, the world is not some unplayed Cosmic Game,
And the sun is still ninety-three million miles from me,
And in the imaginary forest, the shingles hippo becomes the gay unicorn.
No, my traffic is not addled keepers of yesterday's disasters,
Seekers of manifest disewbowelment on shafts of yesterday's pains.
Blues come dressed like introspective echoes of a journey.
And yes, I have searched the rooms of the moon on cold summer nights.
And yes, I have refought those unfinished encounters. Still, they remain unfinished.
And yes, I have at times wished myself something different.
The tragedies are sung nightly at the funerals of the poet;
The revisited soul is wrapped in the aura of familiarity.

Auspicious Books are the Best Kind

"...yet, somehow, the books that prove most agreeable, grateful, and companionable, are those we pick up by chance here and there; those which seem put into our hands by Providence; those which pretend to little, but abound in much." -Herman Meville

unfinished, but whatevs

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

Completed the Couch to 5K program and ran my first ever 10K race. It was amazing.

2009 -I went to Africa! And started hashing back in February. I also bought purple underwear.

2008 - got divorced for real, barehanded ice fishing, thought I flushed my own keys down the toilet, went paint balling, ate beondegi (yuck!), flew a plane.

2007 - Hahahaha. I've already been asked this one. The Hong Kong incident. Got divorced (I think, anyway!) Taught kindergarten.

2006 - went on holiday with my sister, bought a red bra

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I've kept a few, but not most. I will make more. Soon. Really. Plus, I'll need to make a new 101 in 1001 list at some point this year...

2009 -I'm still working on the 101 in 1001 List and I've rejigged a couple of them. I'd like to finish off those goals before I start any more. The biggest fail was the book ban (reinstated, let's hope I prove to have more willpower now.)

2008 - the 101 in 1001 List, maybe a couple more

2007- No and Yes. It's not the keeping of the resolutions that is necessarily important, I think, but the making of them. The taking stock.

2006 - I didn't make any last year. I will be making some this year, though. I like thinking about my goals and where I am and where I want to be. I was too depressed to want to think about my life last January.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

While there are lots of baby pics floating around my FB feed, no.

2009 - My high school friend Vanessa and Andrea & David. Congratulations!
2008 - If they did, it's escaping me, but it's also very late at night.
2006 - My childhood friend, Shannon. My brother's girlfriend. A couple of other people I don't know as well.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, unfortunately.

2009 - No.
2008 - No.
2006 - No.

4. What countries did you visit?

Korea, Toronto, Korea. Not very exciting at all.

2000 - Kojedo, Jeonju, Rome, Ghana, Togo, Toronto, Vancouver
2008 - Boracay, Taiwan, Bamboo/Tea Plantation trip, Canada, Japan, Dokdo, North Korea
2007 - Thailand, Hong Kong, Canada, North Korea, The Philippines.
2006 - Scotland, Canada, Korea, Thailand. Only Thailand was for the first time.

5. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

The same as last year, I guess.

2009 - A zero balance credit card, the ability to run hashes, a plan to leave Korea.
2008 - This one is going to remain secret, but there is something I'd like.
2007 - More of all the good things, less of all the bad, I guess.
2006 - I don't think there was much that I lacked entirely over the course of the whole year. There were lots of things I lacked during different parts of the year though. I guess I just want more of the good things, more often.

6. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March 2nd - first day of my new job
September 23 - 38PH3 - for the hashing, and for something else, which we will leave off the internet.

2009 - Fourth Saturday in February - My first hash, the PMS MENstrual Run
August 22 - I started vacation!
October 5 - The day I started back at work.

2008 - January 3rd - finally divorced!
Friday, August 8th - the Ferraro Rocher countdown ended on my last day of work at Poly

2007 - April 10th - I left Heritage, thank fuck!
May 18th - Surprise arrival back in Canada.
August 10th - Back in Korea once more.
December 14th - All my loose ends were finally tied up!

2006 - February 14th, when I finally, really knew that I had to leave Alan. April 10th, when I flew into Seoul.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

My 10K medal, for sure.

2009 - Going on vacation? I didn't really have any big achievements this year.
2008 - Well, I collected the entire set of Hello Kitty magnets. And found my own place in HBC.
2007 - Tying up those loose ends, perhaps.
2006 - Getting over the embarrassment of leaving someone only 5 months into marriage and doing it anyway because I needed to do it. Rebuilding my entire life all over again, in Korea.

8. What was your biggest failure?

This year, my failures seem to have been legion. I failed as a friend, I suppose. I trusted the wrong person. It's been a rough year.

2009 - Financial.
2008 - Also will remain a secret. But it's related to the other one.
2007 - Perhaps being so stressed by the Korea/Hong Kong decision.
2006 - Not listening to my instincts and the warnings of other people.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?

The rib. The suspected shin splints and other assorted aches that came with learning to run.

2009 - The mystery illness in Ghana & Togo - but Immodium cured that. Very nasty Yellow Dust cold. My toenail slowly growing back.

2008 - possibly I discovered I have a malformed eardrum, hairline fracture in my foot after dancing drunk in my apartment, Broken Toe Part I - The Sink, Broken Toe Part II - Martha's Dancing, recent sickness which is no fun, so we won't bother talking about it.

2007 - Nothing terrible. Did a transatlantic flight with a messed up ankle, did some North Korean hiking with pneumonia.

2006 - Yep. Some of the most notable - my first ever hickie and my now completely fucked up ankle. I'm a klutz, though, so there have been a few.

10. What was the best thing you bought?

A lot of books. Running shoes and winter running clothes.

2009 - Hair cut and straightening. New computer. Monitor which is also a TV. My students would claim it's my Transformers t-shirt.
2008 - new iPod, G-Whiz, North Korean honey
2007 - It wasn't what Oprah recommended ;) I'm not sure I've bought anything all that fabulous this year.
2006 - my laptop. my plane ticket out of Scotland.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration? Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Samantha and April have become my rocks. Shar and Tim were a tough combo of fucked up to deal with, though Tim was also one of my mainstays.

2009 - Hashers are often pretty awesome and Ortencia was an awesome host. However, the two hashers running CHILD and their ridiculousness were fairly appalling.
2008 - Martha has been a rock star in the last couple of months! The pricks at Phillies being homophobic assholes and everyone who voted for Prop. 8 and like-minded resolutions appall me.
2007 - Many people's merited celebration. I find that sometimes the most surprising people will do fantastic things. Based on some info I recently found out, my ex is on the appalled list.
2006 - my friends and family, who have been very supportive of me. appalled: alan's. my own

14. Where did most of your money go?

The trip to Canada and running clothes.

2009 - New computer, six week vacation, books.
2008 - You got me! I guess the trip to Canada was the biggie, plus the shopping trip that resulted. The iPod.
2007 - Vacations!!! Clothes. Having fun in general.
2006 - into leaving Scotland.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Running, hashing, reading.

2009 - Rome with Jen, Ghana and Togo with Ortencia, home!, and then Vancouver, with the chance to see Andrea & David, Orin, and Martha.
2008 - Seeing my nieces. Going to a city in North Korea. Moving to Haebangchon. Teaching teenagers. Leaving Poly.
2007 - Hiking in North Korea. Seeing my nieces.
2006 - being single again, meeting new people, teaching again, knowing that I made the decision to live my life the way I want to, full of travel and adventure.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

I'm on A Boat by The Lonely Island.

2009 - Slung Low, Erin McKeown; I Got a Feeling, Black Eyed Peas (listened to it constantly in Vancouver); and Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back), Eamon and Barbie Girl, Aqua because they played in Togo while I was travelling.
2008 - Whatever You Like, T.I. but in particular, that one the kids made about voting however you like. Made me cry.
2006 - The Mercy of the Fallen, Dar Williams

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?

The same?

2009 - Happier.
2008- happier
2007 - happier or perhaps about the same
2006 - happier

b) thinner or fatter?

Thinner

2009 - Maybe a bit fatter.
2008 - same same
2007 - maybe about the same - I'm not sure, to be honest.
2006 - fatter, a bit

c) richer or poorer?

Same same, but different.

2009 - Moderately less poor.
2008 - moderately less poor.
2007 - Hmmmm. Again, perhaps about the same.
2006 - maybe about the same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Travelling, for sure.

2009 - Saving money. Reading books. Travelling. Hashing. Time with the nieces.
2008 - beach holidays, time at home with the family, coffee with Jenn
2007 - Exercise. Travelling. Decisive getting-stuff-done.
2006 - laughed

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Wandering about on the internet.

2009 - Lazing around. Staying up too late. Social smoking. Negative self-talk.
2008 - overreacting, stress with friends over silly things, dealing with Korean immigration, teaching at Poly.
2007 - I'm not sure I regret too much from the past year. Maybe the odd drunken moment, but nothing in particular.
2006 - beating myself up for things I couldn't change and things that weren't exactly my fault

20. How did you spend Christmas?

I slept over at April's on Christmas Eve, popped back home on Christmas morning and then went back to April's for a fantastic Xmas brunch with her, Jeff, Samantha and Moniqa. Then I went over to Laura's for a turkey dinner around 3ish and finally, I went down to Songtan for a hash turkey dinner, a beer pong tournament (and no, I did not play), and stayed over in a hotel. Drove back to Seoul on Boxing Day for a Southside hash.

2009 - After dinner at Brian's on the eve, I ended up in HBC. When the bar closed, the random people still left, two people I knew, and I tried to go norae bang. When everywhere turned out to be closed, I invited everyone back to my place for a random party at about 6 a.m. Christmas dinner at Laura's was fabulous and we played pictionary, hilarious. I walked home with Christie and Lorraine, singing "White Christmas" as it flurried. Then I napped before calling home at 2 a.m. and chatting with the family. After, because of the nap, I stayed up to watch some episodes of The Big Bang Theory. On Boxing Day, the hashers had the "Santa's Sloppy Seconds" dinner and sat around singing to things WHAM DJed for us.

2008 - Eggs Benedict with Liz and Martha, Geckos with Brian, Cleo, Martha, Melissa, Rebekah, then Seoul Pub, then a taxi with a TV on the ride home!

2007 - Brian, Samarra and I went to see the Golden Compass, wandered around iPark, went to dinner at Geckos and then had drinks with people at Queen. Oh, and I got to talk to my adorable nieces :)

2006 - A turkey buffet at Geckos with friends and coworkers and later on some phone calls home.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Yes.

2009 -No.
2008 - Yes.
2007 - Hahahahaha. No!
2006 - i thought i did, I'm as subject to rebound relationships as anyone, i guess. didn't last long, which was for the best!

22. How many one-night stands?

I had another one-night stand (or so I thought) that resulted in a lot more.

2009 - More than zero.
2008 - A few. They can be one hell of a lot of fun.
2006 - I don't kiss and tell.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Grey's, Private Practice, The Good Wife, Criminal Minds, The West Wing

2009 - Battlestar Galactica, 30 Rock, Big Bang Theory, NCIS (Don't ask. It's an obssession.), Six Feet Under
2008 - Big Love, My So-Called Life, Grey's and Private Practice, Ugly Betty, Brothers and Sisters
2007 - Grey's Anatomy, I think, though I am now equally into Private Practice. I've been watching the first season of Lost recently and been impressed since about halfway through. Flight of the Conchords is hysterical. Oh, and I finally got around to watching Buffy - it was really good.
2006 - America's Next Top Model in Korea, before that Alias/The L Word/Desperate Housewives

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No. But I'm hugely disappointed.

2009 - Nope.
2008 - This year homophobia has upset me more than usual - but I hate the game, not the players. No point in hating the haters.
2007 - No. I don't hate anyone at all right now, though there are certainly those I don't care for.
2006 - perhaps my boss, though hate is far too strong a word. i can't bring myself to hate my ex, though sometimes I think that might actually be kinda a step forward.

25. What was the best book you read?

2009 - Kathy Reichs and Lynsays Sands books, obsessively
1984 & Lord of the Flies (at work)
Bridge to Teribithia
The Great Influenza
Subject to Debate, Katha Pollit
Nickel and Dimed, Barbara Ehrenreich
Payback, Margaret Atwood
The Pollysyllabic Spree, Nick Hornby
Plainsong, Kent Haruf
Fox Girl, Nora Okia Keller
Life of Pi, Yann Martel
The Great Fortune, Olivia Manning
Pyongyang & Persepolis
The Omnivore's Dilemna, Michael Pollan
The Truth About Stories, Thomas King

2008 - S: A Novel About the Balkans, by Slavenka Drakulic
The Little Friend, Donna Tartt
This is Paradise! My North Korean Childhood by Hyok Kang
Dreams of My Father, Barrak Obama
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
Life of Pi, Yann Martel
Maus, Art Spiegleman
Kafka on the Shore, Murakami

2007 - "The Boy Who Loved Anne Frank" by Ellen Feldman. It was maybe the best power read - one of those I-can't-put-it-down novels.
"Eva" by Peter Dickinson was the best children's book and it was a reread from the Poly library.
"Oscar and Lucinda" by Peter Carey for the best I-should-have-known-but-didn't ending.
“The Friar and the Cipher” by Lawrence & Nancy Goldstone for best historical non-fiction.
“Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal” by Christopher Moore was the funniest.
“The Brooklyn Follies” by Paul Auster for introducing me to my newest fav author.
"Lucky" by Alice Sebold for the best sad book.
"A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of A Boy Soldier" by Ishmael Beah for the most gut-wrenching emotional response.
"Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert for personal resonance.

2006 - picking just one is so evil. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Everything is Illuminated, The History of Love and those are just the ones that come to mind...

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Florence and the Machine. Mumford and Sons.

2009 - Since I spent most of my year with no functional computer or internet, I've listened mostly to the same 200 songs that were on my iPod before Chester died. I've been downloading like crazy since, though, so I hope to discover new stuff that I love sooner rather than later.
2008 - The Genius button on iTunes.
2007 - Not sure. I love "Smile" by Lily Allen, and the new Alicia Keys album is pretty damn cool. Tons of stuff, really.
2006 - Jack Johnson. I had heard of him before, but never got around to listening until this year when I discovered downloading...

27. What did you want and get? What did you want and not get?

A new job - got it. A completed 10K - done. The last thing is still playing itself out.

2009 - I wanted a vacation to a new place and I certainly got that. I also wanted willpower (gym, financial, etc) and that didn't happen.
2008 - I'm not sure, but they are both wrapped up in the same thing.
2007 - I didn't get a job I wanted, though I suspect that worked out for the best, particularly from a financial point of view. I wanted a new wardrobe and I got that.
2006- What did you want and get? a computer, a job in Korea, out of a relationship, a trip to Thailand (I even got two!) What did you want and not get? an easy breakup

29. What was your favorite film of this year?



2009 - Amazing Grace, Hallam Foe, Milk, Frost/Nixon, Transformers (1&2)
2008 - Juno, Children of Men, Kung Fu Panda were the best, but nothing really moved me.
2007 - The Golden Compass, I think. I don't actually see many films, in the cinema or out of it.
2006 - Everything is Illuminated, Tsotsi, The Constant Gardener, Hotel Rwanda

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

No Shar thing. No Tim thing. And a beach vacation at Christmas.

2009 - No debt.
2008 - A longer trip home.
2007 - A year long trip around Asia, with the magic ability to pop back in on the family for a couple of days at will.
2006 - if Alan had stayed in Scotland. if i had left him earlier.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I spent my 32nd birthday at a galbi restaurant and then at the Phillies Quiz with a great group of people - Nami, Gus and Gabby, Shar, Samantha, Tim, Ben. Ben got into an argument with Gus about those fish in the Amazon that swim up your penis.

2009 - 31. On the day of, nothing special. But I went out for dinner and dancing with friends the weekend before.
2008 - 30! I drank shots out of a porcelain penis. Then I skipped out on the big Saturday night extravaganza.
2007 - 29 in Hong Kong, went drinking and dancing.
2006 - I was 28. I went to TinPans and drank too much tequila, I went to Stompers and don't even remember being there, I met a cute boy.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

A lot of pants that ended up being too big, a lot of hash shirts and hoodies, lots of new fancy running clothes.

2009 - Before vacation, I usually maintained a big divide between work clothes and home clothes. Since I've returned, I've been a jeans girl at work as well as at play. I have some cool panya purses and a skirt from my trip.
2008 - Many t-shirts, but I will have to wear something Martha hasn't stolen!
2006 - a concept implies I was thinking about this in some sort of orderly way. The same 7 or so outfits to work (with flip flops in summer and black shoes in winter), the same 7 or so low cut tops to bars, and my fave comfy socks whenever I'm home.

33. What kept you sane?

Samantha and April. Chocolate ice cream.

2009 - Blogging.
2008 - Martha and other friends. Pure stubbornness.
2007 - Who says I managed to stay sane? My coworkers, perhaps, when I was back in my old job. My friends. Lots of navel gazing.
2006 - a combination of good friends and too much booze.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?



2009 - Katee Sackhoff (Captain Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace, Battlestar Galactica)
Sasha Alexander (Agent Caitlin Todd in NCIS)
2008 - Hillary Clinton. Jennifer Beals.
2006 - i don't really fancy celebrities.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The Democratic primaries in the States and gay marriage. You know, back when I was saying that Obama wasn't very lefty and I prefered Clinton, everyone told me that he was progressive. But I'd read his books and I knew he wasn't as progressive as people thought and now it turns out that indeed, he isn't.


"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.



2008 - Prop. 8, the Democratic Leadership Race, proroguement
2006 - i have been too busy navel gazing to really pay too much attention. Perhaps the possible nuclear weapons test by North Korea.

36. Who did you miss?

Once again, everybody not here in Seoul, but especially the nieces. Oddly, lately also my dog.

2008 - everybody, but especially Sarah, Emily and Chloe.
2006 - Most people. I live overseas!

37. Who was the best new person you met?

All the hashers!

2008 - Martha
2006 - All the new people I've met have mostly been amazing, though in totally different ways.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?

Just keep following the trail marks and you'll make it to the goal.

2008 - Be stubborn. Love.
2007 - When travelling, follow the noise.
2006 - No one will judge me as much as I will judge myself. Trust your gut. People you don't expect to will do little things that will make you believe in goodness again.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Slung Lo, Erin MCKeown

I was slung-lo and
So gung-ho
For anything to get me to start
I had my rock
I had my roll
But I couldn't find my spark

A flip of the hi-fi
A glimpse of the good life
And the clouds began to fade
I'm turning this B-side
Around to a de-light
Blue skies are here to stay

"She was so down, look at her now
She's never been so high!
Everyone knows, give it some time
The clouds'll clear the sky!"

Light the radio
Til it explodes
I'm dancin' til I drop
One small step
First right then left
I'm never gonna stop

"She was so down, look at her now
She's dancin' til she drops!
Everyone knows, give it some time
You'll find what you have lost!"

It is my style to take awhile
To put the feeling down to page
I get around to making sound
When the fancy meets the phrase!

"She was so down, look at her now
She's never been so high!
Everyone knows, give it some time
The clouds'll clear the sky!"

I'm gonna burst
Right out of this world
And I won't do it alone
A kick to the heart
A lift for the charts
One listen and we'll be gone
And then who cares?
We're debonair
And we're dancin' our way back home

"She was so down, look at her now
She's never been so high!
Everyone knows, give it some time
The clouds'll clear the sky!"

2008 - 9 to 5, Lady Sovereign
Ok yo....
I wake up late every morning
managers calling I'm still yawning
Get up wake up hair and makeups
Waiting for you don't be sawing
This performance is important
I don't think I can put my all in
Hold on I was drunk last night
Now its all kicking in and I don't feel right
Gave my number to a breh who wasn't my type
Now my phones on silent I'm being polite
Now private callers get no love from me
Just let me be...

Oh my gosh my days are getting longer
There's no turning back cuz I'm working da 9 to 5
To keep my contract did I say 9 was getting of 1:30
I'm no early birdy I'm lazy dats all dat I can say
So make sure you heard me
And deres no turning back cuz I'm working a 9 to 5

2006 - The Mercy Of The Fallen
Dar Williams

"Oh my fair North Star
I have held to you dearly
I had asked you to steer me
'Til one cloud-scattered night

I got lost in my travels
I met Leo the lion
Met a king and met a giant
With their errant light

There's the wind and the rain
And the mercy of the fallen
Who say they have no claim to know what's right

There's the weak and the strong
And the bets that have no answer
And that's where I may rest my head tonight"

Novel

I've found a new way to hibernate this year. Unlike last winter, when I would regularly get home on a Friday night and not leave the apartment until Monday at noon for work, this year I'm taking more of a mental hibernation.

I go to the hashes, I've been spending most of my weekends on extended sleepovers at April's house, and I go out a few times during the week for dinner or whatever, but my mind has been hibernating.

I normally am all about the New Years resolutions - not because I think that they are effective in terms of follow through, but because I like the way it makes you take stock of where you are and what you might want to have come next. For me, they've always gone hand in hand with a mental review of the past year.

But a lot happened last year, particularly towards the end, and it hasn't been stuff I've felt ready to blog about. I think I might be getting there though, and I know I need to get around to making some plans, because things need to change.

Hopefully, my mental spring comes soon. Hibernating may be an important part of the process for me, but I'm ready for it to end soon.

Wanna be REALLY awake?

Upon my first return to Canada after a year living in South Korea, I was a bit flustered when it came time to order a coffee. In Korea, even in Starbucks, back in those days, I would have said largee. So, I asked for their biggest size, not recalling the correct Starbucks terminology. They handed me a Venti and I must have looked so comically startled that the guy asked me if everything was okay. My response? "When did you guys start selling coffee in buckets?"

And now this. I can't wait to get home and order it, just for the sheer hilarity. Can I feed one to my nieces and then bugger off and use a nanny cam to watch what ensues? Please?

All Families Are Psychotic

"You don't know," said William. "Life is boring. People are vengeful. Good things always end. We do so many things and we don't know why, and if we do find out why, ti's decades later and knowing why doesn't matter any more."

I do, in fact, totally agree with Douglas Adams. Classic title.

"Tell me something - how do you deal with so many responsibilites? How? I really mean it. We've sort of talked about htis before - when you visited me in Kansas. I can barely arrange dinner reservations at Jessie's Catfush Grill, and I can't even order Disney World tickets over the phone. I've never had to actually do things before. I never had any reason to. And I finally want to accomplish things, but don't have a clue how. Meanwhile, you're orchestrating DNA strands in outer space, fosteerding wolrd peace and landing the single most complex artifact ever made by the human species out in the desert."

Sarah took a second. "I never think about it like that, Wade. There are simply these things that need to be done, and it's simpler to do them than to not do them."

For the first 200 or so pages of this book, I was a bit bored. I kept thinking that I would have liked it so much more back in my teenage/early 20s years, just as I loved Hey, Nostradamus! so much that after reading it on New Year's Day at a friend's apartment I went out and bought my own copy immediately.

Our lives are geared mainly to deflect the darts thrown at us by the laws of probability. The moment we're able, we insulate ourselves from random acts of hate and destruction. It's always been there - in the neighborhoods we build, the walls between our houses, the wariness with which we treat the unknown. One person in six million will be struck by lightning. Fifteen people in a hundred will experience clinical depression. One woman in sixteen will experience breast cancer. One child in 30,000 will experience a serious limb deformity. One American in five will be victim of a violent crime. A day in which nothing bad happens is a miracle, a day in which all the things that could have gone wrong didn't. The dull day is a triumph of the human spirit, and boredom is a luxury unprecedented in the history of our species.

However, the last 75 pages had the plot line get so completely and utterly absurd that I was drawn into the excitement. This book is about family relationships, about what it means to live with a terminal illness, about loss and hope and what it means to make a success of your life.

re. Disney "It could be 2001, it could be 1986, and it could be 2008. And all these young parents - so much younger than me - no old people save for Dad. A few bored and embarrassed teenagers. This is supposed to be life-affirming? This place is like some cosmic dream crusher. All you can get out of a place like this is a creepy little tingle that lets you know your kid is never going to be anything more than a customer - that the whole world is being turned into a casino."

And, my god, does it make the entire state of Florida sound like an absolute wasteland!

"Lately I've started to think that blame is just a lazy person's way of making sense of chaos."

"People are pretty forgiving when it comes to other people's family. The only family that ever horrifies you is your own."

"She drove west towards the sunset; the news had said that a forest fire on Vancouver Island was going to transform the sky into spectacular colors, and it was right. There in her car, Janet felt that she was for the first time driving away from the people in her life, their needs, their lovers, their flaws, their lists of unmendable wounds, their never-spoken-of unslakeable thirsts, their catalogues of wrongs."

"As far as I can see, Janet, life is just an endless banquet of loss, and each time a new loss is doled out, you have to move your mental furniture around, throw things out, and by then there's more loss, and the cycle goes on and on."

"Wade, say you didn't have AIDS. Say you weren't sick, that you learned you had a false positive the way Beth did..."

..."Wade considered this at some length. "I wouldn't have any excuses, would I?"

...Janet herself thoughta bout this question. She's had no time to herself since Cissy had transoformed her life at the restaurant. What would be the difference between death at sixty-five and death eat seventy-five? - those ten extra years... what oculd they possibly mean? Or eighty-five - twenty extra years. She'd wanted those years so badly, had mourned for their loss, yet now she had them again, and she couldn't decode their implication. Well, for that matter, what was the purpose of my first sixty-five years? Maybe the act of wanting to live and being given life is the only thing that matters. Forget the mountain of haikus I can write now. Forget learning to play the cello or slaving away for charity. But then what?

She thought about her life and how lost she'd felt for most of it. She thought about the way that all the truths she'd been taught to consider valuable invariably conflicted with the world as it was actually lived. How could a person be so utterly lost, yet remain living? Her time with the disease had, to her surprise, made her feel less lost. That was one thing she knew was true. Sickness had forced her to look for knowledge and solace in places she might otherwise not have dreamed of. Sickness has forced her to meet and connect with citizens who otherwise would have remained shadows inside cars that idled beside her at red lights. But maybe now she'd continue looking for ideas she' never dreamed of in places once forbidden - not because she had to but because she chose to - because that had proven to be the only true path out of her brittle, unlivable life-before death.

Fakest Looking Word Ever

Word of the Day for Saturday, January 8, 2011
sockdolager \sok-DOL-uh-jer\, noun:

1. A decisive reply, argument.
2. Something unusually large, heavy, etc.
3. A heavy, finishing blow.

An Annoying Read

"Yes, yes if you please, no reference to examples in books. Men have had every advantage of us in telling their own story. Education has been theirs in so much higher a degree; the pen has been in their hands."

Reading Persuasion reminded me of why it took me three or four starts to get through Pride and Prejudice - I do not like Jane Austen's voice or style or whatever you want to call it. The plot was fine and there were some pointed barbs at a society that leaves women at the mercy of men, but I was about halfway through before I could ignore the language and writing style enough to immerse myself in what was going on.

However, it has introduced me to an awesome new insult: "James Benwick is rather too piano for me."

What It Takes

To build a better world we need to replace the patchwork of lucky breaks and arbitrary advantages that today determine success - the fortunate birth dates and happy accidents of history - with a society that provides opportunities for all.

Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell looks at the myth of personal ability and ambition and instead shows that success can be understood by things like opportunity (be it to resources, or the ability to get to 10,000 hours of practice, or when you were born) and the legacy of culture on an individual.

This book has already had an influence on how I think about teaching. Gladwell quotes Elizabeth Dhuey:

"We have advanced reading groups and advanced math groups. So, early on, if we look at young kids, in kindergarten and first grade, the teachers are confusing maturity with ability. And they put the older kids in the advanced stream, where they learn better skills; and they next year, because they are in the higher groups, they do even better; an the next year, the same thing happens, and they do even better again."

and goes on to say:

"At four-year colleges in the United States-the highest stream of postsecondary education-students belonging to the relatively youngest group in their calls are under-represented by about 11.6 percent. That initial difference in maturity doesn't go away with time. It persists. And for thousands of students, that initial disadvantage is the different between going to college - and having a real shot at the middle class - and not."

And that is something, even if it is at the micro-level, that I can do something about. As a teacher, I can be more aware of how I judge ability and maturity levels. It's something that is incredibly hard to do here in South Korea, where my boss is aiming to have me level the 4 and 5 year olds, but in the classroom, I can try and avoid age-related judgements of what a child can do. As Gladwell says:

If we chose to, we could acknowledge that cutoff dates matter. We could set up two or even three hockey leagues, divided up by month of birth. Let the players develop on separate tracks an then pick all-star teams. If all the Czech and Canadian athletes born at the end of the year had a fair chance, then the Czech and the Canadian national teams suddenly would have twice as many athletes to choose from.

It pays off.

Another thing that was pointed out by Gladwell really made me think.

Those three things-autonomy, complexity, and a connection between effort and reward- are, most people agree, the three qualities that work has to have if it is to be satisfying.

I am not particularly happy in my present job. I'll stay another year not because I enjoy teaching kindergarten at Che*ngwon, but because I like having 7 weeks of paid vacation after years of the 2-weeks, one week at a time hagwon system. I have a connection between effort and reward for sure - little notes that the students give me saying "I love you teacher", their smiles, hearing them say they love English class, watching them learn how to read. And I often have a lot of autonomy - my dislike of my coworkers has stemmed largely from their lack of information about my class schedule so I can adequately plan or an attempt by them to tell me how or what to teach (since really, none of them are fluent in English, and one is incredibly bad at English, I have to say I find instruction about how to teach the language that I do in fact speak pretty annoying.) What I don't have is complexity - or enough complexity for me. I miss teaching literature and social studies to older students. Kindergarten curriculum doesn't really interest me. They are cute, my students, but I don't find them fascinating the way I do middle or high school kids.

I suppose in 2011, I should start taking steps to address that, because on the whole, I do love teaching.

Crisis? Yep.

Recently I read Losing Confidence: Power, Politics, and the Crisis in Canadian Democracy by Elizabeth May. I picked it up at home on vacation - over a year ago - in a spurt of patriotic interest in Canadian politics. She describes what she sees as the Americanization of the Canadian system:

"In Canada, as in other modern democracies, the last fifty years have seen an increasing centralization of power, first shifting from Parliament to Cabinet, and then from Cabinet to the prime minister. We risk losing the democratic progress of centuries in wresting power from a king only to see it vested in an increasingly unaccountable and autocratic prime minster."

Certainly, living oversees has taught me more about the American system of government than the Canadian. Not only have I taught American Social Studies, I have also read several articles on American government in various reading textbooks. And then there is the fact that I have far more access to the news regarding the US than I do to Canadian stories. Obama vs. Clinton interested me far more than the most recent Canadian election - and partly because we all heard about the issues over here and could then debate them amongst ourselves.

May discusses and quotes the Kent Commission Report: "Freedom of the press is not a property right of owners. It is right of the people. It is part of their right to free expression, inseparable from their right to inform themselves." Certainly, I do not think I'm anywhere near as informed as I should be about how Canadian government works and why. May strongly points out that a lack of information is a critical problem in democracy today. She also attacks the party system: "There is something ironic about a situation where political parties have such power in a democracy, yet 85 percent of the voters are not willing to join any party." She states that parties, due to a first-past-the-post system do not even represent Canadians properly, as an increasing number of Canadian governments have had false majorities.

"Awareness of the threat to democracy must go far beyond bemoaning the fact that young people don't vote. That is the tip of the iceberg of electoral dysfunction. The most effective solution is to approve a change in how we elect members of federal and provincial parliaments. no other single step will have as many salutary impacts."

I have to say that I approve of her solution. I have always exercised my right to vote, when my residence allowed me to do so. Sure, it was exciting to vote Liberal to keep out the Conservatives, but I am definitely more of an NDP kind of girl. The most exciting time I've ever voted was in Scotland - I voted Green AND they got in. Why? Because of the proportionate representation voting system.

The book occasionally struck me as a bit biased towards the Greens, but in general, it was a fascinating and informative look at the problems in Canadian democracy today.

I Have a Nerdy Love of These

TimeTop 10 Lists

Add this to My Xmas List

I'd even learn to drive!

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Xmas Wish List

Lego Architecture

Clean All the Things t-shirt

Everything on my Amazon.ca Wishlist

Brains Are Quite Rich In Cholesterol

A Light in the Attic, Shel Silverstein

How Many, How Much

How many slams in an old screen door?
Depends on how loud you shut it.
How many slices in a bread?
Depends on how thin you cut it.
How much good inside a day?
Depends on how good you live 'em.
How much love inside a friend?
Depends on how much you give 'em.

Never

I've never roped a Brahma bull,
I've never fought a duel,
I've never crossed the desert
On a lop-eared, swayback mule,
I've never climbed an idol's nose
To steal a curse-d jewel.

I've never gone down with my ship
Into the bubblin' brine,
I've never saved a lion's life
And then had him save mine,
Or screamed Ahoooo while swingin' through
The jungle on a vine.

I've never dealt draw poker
In a rwody lumber camp,
Or got up at the count of nine
To beat the world's champ,
I've never had my picture on
A six-cent postage stamp.

I've never scored a touchdown
On a ninety-nine-yard run,
I've never winged six Daltons
With my dying brother's gun...
Or kissed Miz Jane, and rode my hoo
Into the setting sun.
Sometimes I get so depressed
'Bout what I haven't done.

Tired

've been working so hard you just wouldn't believe,
And I'm tired!
There's so little time and so much to achieve,
And I'm tired!
I've been lying here holding the grass in its place,
Pressing a leaf with the side of my face,
Tasting the apples to see if they're sweet,
Counting the toes on a centipede's feet.
I've been memorizing the shape of that cloud,
Warning the robins to not chirp so loud,
Shooing the butterflies off the tomatoes,
Keeping an eye out for floods and tornadoes.
I've been supervising the work of the ants
And thinking of pruning the cantaloupe plants,
Calling the fish to swim into my nets,
And I've taken twelve thousand and forty-one breaths,
And I'm TIRED!
Whatif

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
And pranced and partied all night long
And sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pol?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems swell, and then
The nighttime Whatifs strike again!

Magic Carpet

You have a magic carpet
That will whiz you through the air,
To Spain or Maine or Africa
If you just tell it where.
So will you let it take you
Where you’ve never been before
Or will you buy some drapes to match
And use it
On your
Floor?

St. John's College has a reading list which I find quite interesting.

Need to Plan to Leave the Shore in 2011

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” - Andre Gide

Born Into Brothels

What an amazing documentary. I love that it shows things from the children's perspective. I love that we get to see the world through their lenses. I cried.

Well worth watching.

15 Characters

Before I go off to make enough lasagna to freeze for the winter...

The Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen fictional characters (television, films, plays, books, video games) who've influenced you and that will always stick with you.

Dian Fossey (Gorillas in the Mist)
CJ Cregg (The West Wing)
Alicia (Alicia's Story by Alicia Appleman-Jurman)
Ramona Quimby
Laura Ingalls (Wilder)
Anne of Green Gables
Punky Brewster
Meg (A Wrinkle in Time)
Francie Nolan (A Tree Grows in Brooklyn)
Lessa (Pern series)
Daleks (Doctor Who)
Vladek (Maus)
The girl in red coat (Schindler's List)
Scout (To Kill a Mockingbird)
Stadler and Waldorf (The Muppets)

Messing With the Numbers

Someone linked me to this blog entry on Facebook. It says that:

57% of new books are not read to completion.

Since I personally own about 200ish books I've yet to get around to reading, it occurs to me that us weirdos might be skewing the data.

Soooooo Looooooooong

Gone With the Wind is a very long movie. And it wasn't 4 hours worth of interesting either.

That said, I suppose I'm glad I can finally say I've seen it.

Jesus Camp

I have no idea how I came to download this, but it was quite interesting. Evangelical Christian kids, praying and crying.

I read theNew York Times review. I have to say, I was disturbed by the children, who looked a lot like they were being brainwashed.

What really gets me about things like this, something that struck me when that whole fuss over The Golden Compass occurred, is that as an atheist, if I had children, I would be quite happy for them to be exposed to religion. I'd have no problem with my child choosing to believe in god. I don't feel that making a decision about something that can't be proven either way should be forced on anyone, and certainly children shouldn't be indoctrinated to think one way or the other. I'd let my kids read Narnia or The Chosen or Harry Potter or whatever they wanted. I'd tell them what I think. And I'd help them develop the kind of critical thinking skills that would let them come to their own conclusions.

It's quite strange to realize how differently some religious parents feel.

Pass the Ketchup

Misha

Joy

Today didn't really feel like a Friday (not sure why, when it's felt like such a long week), but it ended on a really high note.

I made latkes and lit candles. I think I'm just going to slowly start celebrating everyone's holidays all over the world. It's nice.

World AIDS Day

Hashing - The Secret Sport