Hash Songs - For Him

For Him
It’s A Small DIck
Well it isn't long and it isn't thick, 
It gets hard too slow and it cums too quick,
It gers lost in her twat,
But it's all that he's got,
It's a small, small, dick.
 It's a small dick after all,
It's a small dick after all,
Always limp from alcohol,
It's a small, small, dick!

Who Needs Sex?
Who needs sex? Who needs sex?
It’s no fun. It’s no fun.
He grunts and he gasps like he’s on a long run,
HE’s in for a minute then squirts on your bum,
HE falls asleep as soon as he’s done,
So who needs sex? Who needs sex?

Hash Songs - For Her

For Her
She’s All Right
She’s all right, she’s all right,
She’s little bit flat-chested, but she’s all right
Her Left Tit
Her left tit hangs down to her right tit
Her right tit hangs down to her knee
If her left tit did equal her right tit
She'd still get a down-down from me
Drink it down, down, down, down...

The Wiggle of Her Ass
Well, the wiggle of her ass would make a dead man cum,
And the nipples on her tits are as big as my thumb,
She's a mean motherfucker, she's a great cocksucker,
She's a harriette!
O, Harriette!
O, harriette, you're beautiful,
with freshly shaven pubes!
With nipples so erect and hard
on a pair of lucious boobs.
 
O, harriette, o harriette,
please spread your legs for me.
And crown my wood
with something good
before you have to peeeeeeee.

Hash Songs - For Either

For Either

Meet the Hashers
Hashers, meet the hashers
They're the biggest drunks in history
From the hash of Phuket
They're the leaders in debauchery
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years
Watch them, as they down a lot of beer
Down-down, down-down down-down.

S/He's the Meanest
He's the meanest,
He sucks the horse's penis,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.
All he does is pound it,
Ever since he found it,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.
He's always pissing on us,
He's rotten and dishonest,
He's the meanest,
He's a horse's ass.

Why Was S/He Born So Beautiful?
Why was he born so beautiful,
Why was he born at all.
He's no fucking use to anyone,
He's no fucking use at all.
He might be a joy to his mother,
But he's a pain in the asshole to me!
Drink it down, down, down, down…

S/He Ought
He ought to be thoroughly pissed on,
He ought to be publicly shot,
He ought to be tied to a dunny
And left there to fester and rot.
Drink it down, down, down, down…

True Blue
Here's to ...., s/he's true blue,
He's a Hasher, through and through,
He's a Pisspot, so they say,
Tried to get to heaven but went the other way!
Drink it down down down down…
Heres to Brother/Sister Hasher(s)
Here's to brother hasher, Bother hasher, brother hasher
Here's to brother hasher, May he chug-a-lug.
He's happy, he's jolly,
He's fucked up by golly,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

So drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Here's to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

Soldier Song
Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee
For cunt, for cunt, for country and my queen
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be
Drink it down, down, down, down...

Three Big Beers
Three big beers, Three big beers
See how they foam, see how they foam
You ran through shiggy all around trail
Then some hasher told evil tales
So now you must drink down your ale
It’s three big beers, three big beers
Down down down, down down down….

All Beers Bright and Beautiful
All beers bright and beautiful
All down-downs great and small
All ales pale with hops a-full
You’re going to drink them all
Each little bottle opened
Each bitter tasty zing
You will guzzle down the lot
And then we shan’t have to sing
Down-down-down-down-down-down-down….

Fuck a Duck
Fuck a duck, a female duck,
Screw a baby kangaroo.
Finger-bang an orangutan,
Let an elephant do you.
Fell the penis of an eel,
Whack the asshole of a yak.
Masturbate with a gnu,
And that will bring you back to,
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...

Mrs. Murphy
Take it by the hand Mrs Murphy,
It only weighs a quarter of a pound,
Its got hair around it’s neck like a turkey,
And it comes when you stroke it up and down,
Down, down, down...


U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi,
You’re ugly, you’re ugly,
Your father says you’re ugly!
D-A-D-D-Y, you don’t even know that guy,
Your daddy, your daddy,
Your daddy says you’re ugly!
U-N-C-L-E, he might be your real daddy,
Your uncle, your uncle,
Your uncle says you’re ugly!

Review: I Dream of Zenia with the Bright Red Teeth

I Dream of Zenia with the Bright Red Teeth by Margaret Atwood

My rating: 3 of 5 stars



This short story encapsulates why I feel that I just don't really get short stories. I liked it well enough but nothing really... happened. Granted, I had no idea until seconds ago that it's about the characters from The Robber Bride, which I haven't read yet. Perhaps it'll be more interesting to me once I've read that? Anyway, it was good and I found the bit with the dog bite rather amusing.



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Review: Zombie

Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates

My rating: 3 of 5 stars



I read this because it's short and I thought it would fit nicely into a Halloween-theme. And yeah, clearly I didn't recall any blurbs I might have read about it, because I expected an actual zombie, rather than the ramblings of a serial killer. So, horrifying, rather than spooky, but it was fine. It read a bit like YA except I suppose in the subject matter. It kept my attention and I thought she did a really good job with the narrator's voice. That said, this was rough to read because of just that.



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Review: One Lucky Vampire

One Lucky Vampire by Lynsay Sands

My rating: 2 of 5 stars



I wanted to like this more, but it sort of bored me. Though 2-stars isn't bad, in my mind, for some vamp porn, because I generally rate the good ones 3-stars. But yeah, somehow there was no sense of urgency in a series of attempted murders and even the romance felt like it was dialed in. Perhaps I've just read too many of these.



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Review: The Wayfinders

The Wayfinders by Wade Davis

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



With a few university evolutionary archaeology courses under my belt and an interest in cultures of the world that's led to a fair amount of anthropological reading, the first two chapters of this, while good, felt like a review of things I already knew. After that it got a bit more interesting as it covered ground I was unfamiliar or at least less familiar with. There were a few points that had me seeing things in a new way - like the suggestion that paleolithic cave art could be a nostalgia for the days before humans split off from animals into something new.



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Review: In the Company of Vampires

In the Company of Vampires by Katie MacAlister

My rating: 3 of 5 stars



That was a fun romp. I like the Viking ghosts.



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Review: A Tale of Two Vampires

A Tale of Two Vampires by Katie MacAlister

My rating: 3 of 5 stars



This one was a lot of fun.



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Review: Sweetness in the Belly

Sweetness in the Belly by Camilla Gibb

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



So, so good. The history, the relationships, everything was well written and fascinating. Also extremely moving. I learned so much about Ethiopia and it was an interesting insight into Islam as well.

The description of council flats was easy for me - I can picture all of that. That was part of my landscape when I lived in Edinburgh, which was also at the time having a immigrant/refuge issue (in that many Scots wanted the ability to finally be Scottish with their new parliament, but at the same time Scotland was getting an increasing number of refuges that had previously stayed more in England or at least in big cities and that was all changing.)

The friendship between Lilly and Amina made total sense to me. While being an expat isn't the same as being a refuge by far, the idea of a fast, tight friendship coming out of almost nowhere and happening really fast, based on only a few similarities, is totally my experience with expat friendships in a place where people cycle in and out in a year or two.

I thought the relationship between Lilly and Aziz made a lot of sense. It wasn't just that Aziz was her first lover, but also that she broke so many of her own religious rules to make the space in her life/mind for Aziz. To me that's the part that was really huge and to have lost him so immediately after, to have that possible guilt over having tainted him with her connection with Selassie, I can totally see why she held on to that love.

I liked learning about this particular brand of Islam with its saints. It was interesting to compare that with what I know of Christianity taking in local customs and meshing with them. I also loved the insight on how the various Muslim refuges all praying together was moving things away from traditions and cultures and to a more fundamentalist view.

I really liked Lilly as a character. I liked how distant and ghost-like she felt. I liked her interactions with those around her as she sought her place in a series of worlds that were never quite her own. I liked how she slowly grew to think of how she felt about her parents and the lifestyle she had with them - how Islam influenced her thoughts about them and how her opinions softened as she got older and realized how complex and difficult the world can be.

Also, I really hope that farenji is where the Star Trek Ferengi came from.



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Review: Sweetness in the Belly

Sweetness in the Belly by Camilla Gibb

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



So, so good. The history, the relationships, everything was well written and fascinating. Also extremely moving. I learned so much about Ethiopia and it was an interesting insight into Islam as well.



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Review: The Works of Edgar Allen Poe - Volume 5

The Works of Edgar Allen Poe - Volume 5 by Edgar Allan Poe

My rating: 0 of 5 stars



It appears I accidentally clicked on Volume 5 first, but how can I not love anything that starts with an essay about the philosophy of furniture and contains this line: "Yet I have heard fellows discourse of carpets with the visage of a sheep in reverie — “d’un mouton qui rêve” — who should not and who could not be entrusted with the management of their own moustachios."

Sure, between the furniture and the Romans besieging Jews it's not been at all what I expected, but so far it's wonderful.

What I ended up liking best about this volume was the anticipation of scary. Even if a given short story wasn't particularly spooky, I'd get all worked up expecting that it would be. At one point I was reading this in the Pyeongtaek train station and Wyatt scared the shit out of me when he arrived and touched my shoulder.

Unfortunately for me, then we hit the poetry bit. I liked The Raven but everything after was all downhill. The problem could be me: I'm not a poetry reader. I find that I can read it and find the rhythm and perhaps a line or a few together will make sense, but after that the poem tends to flow over me and make no sense overall. Since the last third of this volume was all poetry (or even worse, an essay about what makes real poetry), it ended up disappointing a fair bit.

That said, I do intend to try and read the first four volumes over the next four Octobers, so perhaps Poe will be redeemed for me at some point.

Also, that essay about furniture was pure win.



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Review: MaddAddam

MaddAddam by Margaret Atwood

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



So, so, so good.

I'm super sad that this trilogy is over, though this last book totally did wrap up everything incredibly well. I've loved Atwood's view of the future, especially the idea that it's all based on present day science. The Crakers become very interesting in this book, as are the discussions about them. I loved the relationship between Toby and Blackbeard. Zeb was also fascinating.

I love Atwood.



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Review: The Works of Edgar Allen Poe - Volume 5

The Works of Edgar Allen Poe - Volume 5 by Edgar Allan Poe

My rating: 0 of 5 stars



It appears I accidentally clicked on Volume 5 first, but how can I not love anything that starts with an essay about the philosophy of furniture and contains this line: "Yet I have heard fellows discourse of carpets with the visage of a sheep in reverie — “d’un mouton qui rêve” — who should not and who could not be entrusted with the management of their own moustachios."

Sure, between the furniture and the Romans besieging Jews it's not been at all what I expected, but so far it's wonderful.



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Review: The Iron Bridge

The Iron Bridge by Anton Piatigorsky

My rating: 0 of 5 stars



While I was back in Canada, I spent a lot of time in bookstores. Not just because I wanted to, though I did, but also because the Indigo in Yorkdale is my mom and my meeting place of choice. One day I came across this book and was intrigued, but I didn't buy it. The next time I was there the display had changed and I couldn't find it again - a greyish book about dictators wasn't something the staff could help me find. But Goodreads has connected me to it again and I gave in to the one-click and got it.



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Review: Be Still My Vampire Heart

Be Still My Vampire Heart by Kerrelyn Sparks

My rating: 3 of 5 stars



After reading Flannery O'Connor and being incredibly depressed by her short stories, this was the perfect fluff reading. Vampires and Scotsmen in kilts and a happy ending.



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Review: The Complete Stories

The Complete Stories by Flannery O'Connor

My rating: 3 of 5 stars



A Good Man Is Hard To Find and The Life You Save May Be Your Own were 5-star reads. In general, I liked all of the stories minus the ones that later went on to be part of Wise Blood, which I have to admit, I wasn't really all that fond of. I think had I read this collection more slowly, over large periods of time, I might have liked it more. It's a bit intense and depressing to read all at once, but so far that's just how I read on my Kindle. I found it interesting to compare The Geranium and Judgement Day, since they begin and end the collection and have the same plot outline - but the latter is far more grim. Overall, I feel like I learned quite a lot about a specific time period in the South that I know little about and enjoyed doing so, though at the end I felt a bit like I was just trying to plow through to the end.



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Review: Space Chronicles: Facing the Ultimate Frontier

Space Chronicles: Facing the Ultimate Frontier by Neil deGrasse Tyson

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



So, it's repetitive. Not an unexpected thing from a book of magazine articles and speeches. That fault it totally surpassed by the fact that I learned a lot, felt inspired, and now really, really want to reread the Mars Trilogy by Kim Stanley Robinson.

Oh, and am I the only person who didn't realize Tang was an astronaut's drink?



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Review: Horrid Henry And The Secret Club

Horrid Henry And The Secret Club by Francesca Simon

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



The one where Peter tries to be horrid was hilarious.



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Review: Days with Frog and Toad

Days with Frog and Toad by Arnold Lobel

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Love Frog and Toad.



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